Like the character of Bernard in my debut novel, Killarney Blues, many of my friends are music obsessives, the kind of people who wouldn’t be out of place in Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity.
These cardigan-wearers (to which I am a fully fledged and flouting member) often fire out pointless emails asking all kinds of random music questions. These have been happening for years, and the sad fact is that I have begun to cherish the arrival of these useless inquisitions.
Below are an example of some of the kinds of questions my muso buddies like to ask, and my deeply considered answers (we’re talking hours people, days). Please note also that these answers are liable to change. For example, when recently asked about my favourite Bowie album I instinctively answered Low, but on the following day could just have easily said Station to Station or Hunky Dory. Such is the kind of fickle minds we are dealing with.
So, here they are:
Favourite Rolling Stones song – “Street Fighting Man”
Favourite David Bowie song – “Sound and Vision”
Bass player you would most like to have in your band (if you were a musician yourself) – Bruce Thomas (The Attractions)
Favourite solo McCartney record – Ram
Favourite album artwork – Radiohead ‘s Amnesiac
Favourite opening to an album – “Debaser”, Pixies’ Doolittle
Female recording artist you would most like to go on a date with and have serious intellectual conversation – PJ Harvey
Female recording artist you would most like to have meaningless sexual relations with – Alicia Keys
Artist you would most like to share a bottle of whiskey with – Tom Waits
Favourite music magazine – Uncut
Favourite rhymer – Elvis Costello (manages to rhyme “failure” with “paraphernalia” on the Brutal Youth album)
Favourite Irish rock band of all time – The Fatima Mansions
Favourite Irish album – The Fatima Mansions’ Viva Dead Ponies
Favourite Neil Young album – On the Beach
Favorite depressing song – What becomes of the broken-hearted?
So there you have it. An award ceremony of the mind, where no one gets any awards and all participants (the cardigan boys…and me) have simply wasted our precious time.
Gotta go now, gotta check my inbox. See what utterly pointless inquiries await my attention.